My Story; Real Life Experience
I started out with everything I wanted in life, my father owned multiple Nursing Homes in the Worcester MA area which would be my legacy. When I was only 3 years old my life changed drastically as we lost everything due to an unknown reason.
I was 5 years old when my mother died, and my father moved me and my sister around a lot, which is where my first memoir 10 Homes in 11 Years comes into play.
When I was 11 years old my father died, I held his hand as he died in the hospital of Van Horn Texas leaving us, now as orphans without any family in that part of the country.
My family up in Massachusetts heard about what happened and sent my uncle down to rescue us, flying back, we had to leave everything behind, including my dog Max. My Uncle could only describe our living conditions to my grandfather as unlivable when asked. My father did the best he could for us, but we still lived extremely poorly.
When my father died, I was in a deep shock, unable to speak for about 6 months, replaced by hatred and resentment. I ended up being a kid who hated the world for what it did to me. The only people who I let in was my group of friends and anyone who tried to be my family, was shunned; I felt like the world owed me for my loss. I went through most of my young adult life like this too and became an addict, addicted to cocaine, alcohol, and smoking a lot of marijuana!
I went into the military because I messed my life up so much, my aunt that I lived with told me to go out and get a job or don't come home, which now I see as a blessing! I came back and told her and my uncle I joined the Military. I went to Basic Training in Fort Benning Georgia, I was so skinny and weakened that it almost killed me, but I began to see what I was capable of as I was fighting for my life! After graduating Basic & AIT. I went to Fort Carson Colorado where I spent the next 3 years of active duty being my CO's Bradly Driver and finding a place I could excel, I also found myself in a tank explosion and riot control in Gitmo Bay Cuba for 6 months…
After the military, in my uncle who raised me, and my grandfather died a month apart. When this happened, I ended up in a dark depression, I became a carver, cutting into my skin to feel something other than the hellish pain I was feeling. I wanted to have them back now after resenting them all these years. I wanted to tell them, show them I loved them and could change! I was so darkened by this depression that I tried taking my own life with a bottle of sleeping pills and the words "f** you world" carved into my arm. Some of my friends found me the next day and got me to the hospital. I remember hearing a Dr. say he's amazed I was still alive; he wasn't the only one! The hospital sent me to the VA Brockton Mental Health facility where I spent a few days before they sent me away and I ended up homeless on the streets of Boston for a while before finding VA Homeless shelters where I began to see things in a different light. I was finally diagnosed with P.T.S.D. which the Dr's tell me I had since my mother died, my family and I never knew, and P.T.S.D. was unheard of in someone who wasn't in a war zone until a few years before. Who would have thought a child had what was known as "battle fatigue"? I went undiagnosed for decades, but now that I knew I could begin proper recovery.
I have seen all the homeless heroes/veterans and began to realize I wasn't alone; life kicks a lot of us in the ass and it's up to us if we lay down and die with the words "f** you world" carved in our arms, or we get up, brush the dust off and keep moving forward! I ended up brushing the dust off, it took me a few years, but I got out of that situation and found peace in my life for the first time since I was a child. I began to find coping skills that worked for me such as martial arts and exercise. I also began to realize one of my best coping skills and qualities was helping others and sharing my story. I began working as a Private Investigator and Security Consultant for a time, and as a Peer Support Specialist including addiction recovery, and a Certified Recovery Advisor, oh, and an author of some great self-help books!